“Two persons cannot long be friends if they cannot forgive each other’s little failings.”

– Jean de la Bruyere

I was chatting with a friend recently, and she told me the story of her confusion at the loss of a long-standing friendship.  Something indefinable apparently had happened — something she could not identify — and someone who had been close suddenly seemed miles away.  She was grieving the loss of her friendship and suffering twice because of her confusion.  It seemed there were no words she could say that might bridge the gap.

My friend is a loving and kind-hearted person.  She is not malicious or vicious or mean.  I tried to imagine what she possibly might have done — or not done — to warrant such a response from another human being.  As I tried to picture her being guilty of some heinous behavior, I realized that the truth probably was that she had said or done something insignificant that had touched a sore spot in her friend.  Perhaps it was at a time when other difficulties were such a burden that one tiny oversight from someone she expected to help carry her burden made it heavy enough to break her spirit.  The straw that breaks the camel’s back often becomes the one that is blamed for the weight of the entire load.

People are messy.  They are human.  They are not perfect.  They make mistakes.  Sometimes we become so certain that a friend is reliable that we forget their humanity.  Ironically, there are very human behaviors that we would forgive instantly in a stranger but hold against a friend.  How sad it is that my friend has lost her long-time pal.  How sad it is that whatever prompted the straw breaking the camel’s back was so painful at the time that it caused her friend to lash out at someone who loves her.  How sad that instead of finding solace and healing in their friendship, both of them now are hurting.

There is only one thing that can mend a situation like this, and that is forgiveness.  My friend must forgive the harsh words from her hurting friend.  She must see beyond her actions to the person she knows and trusts to be kind and loving and worthy of friendship.  At the same time, her friend must remember that she is relating to a human being.  And humans are messy.  They make mistakes.  Sometimes those mistakes hurt the people they love dearly.  If we are to have friends, we must remember the messy part of being human; and we must learn to forgive.

I have a feeling that these two will find their friendship again.  I have a feeling that once forgiveness is spoken, both of them will discover that their pain is lessened — and over time it will go away.  I will look in the mirror today and see my own small failings.  I will do this in practice for the times when my friends let me down.  It is inevitable.  We are human.  And being human can be a messy thing.