“Reconciliation is to understand both sides; to go to one side and describe the suffering being endured by the other side, and then go to the other side and describe the suffering being endured by the first side.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

Our world desperately needs reconciliation.  We are divided by the pursuit of our own personal or national agendas to the point where we naturally talk over one another rather than taking the time to listen to what someone else might have to say.  We hold meetings where we present our point of view with charts and slides and power points and statistics to justify our position and demand that our wishes be fulfilled.  The other parties arrive with their own presentations and visual aids, and we do our best to negotiate peaceful coexistence.

Negotiation is as close as we come to reconciliation.  When we negotiate, each side makes concessions in order to appease the other.  While negotiation may be better than an all-out fistfight or war, it leaves each side of the issues feeling as though they have lost something in order to meet the unreasonable demands of the other.  We leave negotiation feeling half-satisfied and at a loss for a way to have our position truly understood.  We need to lose in order to gain during negotiation, and nobody comes out a winner. Negotiation sends an emissary to climb the wall between two sides and offer a concession in exchange for another.  The emissary then returns to the other side of the wall and delivers the result, but the wall remains.  It stands between us, reminding us of our differences.  We know when we look at it that there will be another day of negotiation and another trip over the wall.

Reconciliation is not about climbing walls.  Reconciliation builds a bridge that can be crossed with ease in both directions.  It provides a path from  heart to heart where a messenger can hear the suffering behind the position held on each side and carry that message to the other.  Reconciliation means feeling the suffering of our opponent as our own and being moved to compassion.  When we change our positions in order to reconcile, nobody loses.  Instead, each side leaves feeling closer to the other and understanding our shared humanity.  Once we have reconciled, Love can enter the picture.  It can follow the path across the bridge we have built and maintain that bridge so that we can cross it often and remember who our brothers and sisters are on the other side.

Let’s be about building bridges rather than walls.  Let us be about reconciliation rather than negotiation.