How beautiful is that thought?  That even when a flower is trampled, it leaves behind a fragrance that forgives the person whose heel crushed it?  If only people could be more like flowers, our world might be a sweet-smelling place!  This morning I posted the following quote on Facebook:

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”
– Lewis B. Smedes

A friend challenged me to think more deeply about forgiveness when she posted this response:

“VERY IMPORTANT! And, not sure I have mastered this yet, big sister. Can you help me? ♥”

How often do we feel this way?  We read the profound words of another person, and we cry out, “YES,” while a small voice inside us whispers, “maybe.”  I thought if might be interesting to see what some other people have to contribute to the idea of forgiveness.  I’m not sure I can help my friend, but I have a suspicion that I may learn something myself.  Here are some more thoughts about forgiveness.

“Forgiveness means letting go of the past.”

– Gerald Jampolsky

What a burden it is to try to be fully alive in each new moment if all the while we are carrying a truckload of resentment with us that belongs to things that happened in the past!  There are so many events in our histories that we might change if we could.  We all wish for do-overs, but there is no returning to a time that has passed.  The best we can do is to carry resolve with us to spare ourselves the same pain in the future.  I really think that the way we learn to lay down these needless burdens begins with learning to forgive ourselves.  I am thinking of a painful time in my past.  When my second son was only six years old, he ran into the path of a car in front of our house.  I was the first person to arrive at the place where he landed after being tossed into the air by the impact of the collision.  Until the ambulance arrived, I put everything I’d ever learned about first aid to good use — I saw his broken legs and listened to him moaning, and remembered that I shouldn’t move him and risk aggravating a possible back injury.  I paid attention to his breathing and to the pupils of his eyes so that I would have useful information to give to the medics.  In spite of all this, Brett was pronounced dead later that day at the hospital.  For the next six months, I robbed myself of sleep each night by lying awake and second-guessing my choices that day.  Suppose I had broken the rules and moved him to a position that might have miraculously saved his life?  I blamed myself for his death and for my own loss, and the burden was nearly unbearable.  One day it struck me — hard —  that this innocent little boy with a heart full of love would have been the first one to forgive me.  I knew as soon as this realization touched my heart that I needed to forgive myself and to move on to living a life of love and forgiveness that would honor his memory.  Forgiving yourself is, I believe, the first step.

“Forgiveness is the act of admitting we are like other people.”

– Christina Baldwin

This is, I think, the next step.  If I’ve learned to forgive myself for something that felt unforgivable, then I can pass that forgiveness on to others simply by admitting that we share the same human qualities.  I try every day to do the best I can in meeting the challenges and joys that life offers.  If I can put myself into another person’s shoes and understand that everyone does the best they can — whether it meets my standards or not — then I can begin to have empathy for the situation that creates the hurt, and i will be able to forgive.  Please understand that I am not saying we should place ourselves in a position of suffering repeated abuse that is forgiven only to occur again.  In cases like that, we sometimes need to release the past physically as well as emotionally and lay down the burden of our resentment and leave the relationship behind as well.  Forgiveness does not deny the wrong that has been done and pretend that it never happened.  Forgiveness looks the wrong right in the eye, sees it, releases it, and moves on.

“Forgiveness is not always easy.  At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it.  And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.”

– Marianne Williamson

There are times when forgiving is a difficult thing.  The friend who posted on Facebook this morning suffered painful injuries in a hit-and-run accident.  There is no face, no circumstances, no mitigating factors to apply to the person who failed to take responsibility for the damage that was done.  It would be hard to put herself into the position of the person who fled the scene of the accident, because that is something she would never do.  How do you reconcile your anger and resentment in a situation like this?  I like what Marianne Williamson has to say — that even though forgiving may feel more painful that the initial wound we suffer, it is essential to our own well-being to forgive.  Until we find our way to forgiveness, we have no peace.  Imagine trying to carry around a faceless person and his vehicle for the rest of your life!  If your arms were that full of hurt and pain, how could they ever receive and embrace all the good things that come your way.  Sadly, there is a good chance that the driver of the hit-and-run car already is carrying those things.  We cannot own resentment and peace at the same time.

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”

– Peter Ustinov

Living love — being love — bringing love to the world.  This is the stated purpose of so many people I know and hold dear.  So much of love involves forgiveness.  It is easy to love someone who is lovable, but many people we encounter each day challenge us to reach beyond the simple and the comfortable and make loving an intentional act rather than an emotional response.  How wonderful it would be if our forgiveness of ourselves and our understanding of our shared humanity would cultivate in each of us a tender look which becomes a habit.  This could be infectious!  How much easier would it be for the people we meet to love and accept us when they meet tenderness in our interactions?

I leave you with a final quote — one that expresses hope and encourages us to dream:

“Forgiveness is the answer to the child’s dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again.”

– Dag Hammarskjold

Let us bring our child-like dream into the world today.  Forgiveness is the miracle that cleans the soiled memories and mends the broken heart.