Today is the 75th birthday of the Dalai Lama.  Join me in celebrating his peaceful spirit and joyful, compassionate ways.

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear.  It is just like the days.  An old day passes, a new day arrives.  The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day.”

– Dalai Lama

Several weeks ago, an old friend moved from my neighborhood.  People come and go from our lives, but this neighbor already lived in her house when we moved to town twenty-four years ago.  In that sense, I suppose you could say that we moved into her world, became a part of it, and gradually made it our own.  She was a good neighbor, and our children grew up together and remain friends now that they are grown.  We have known and shared each other’s sorrows and joys.  We have offered support and compassion and comfort during times of pain.  I now share her excitement as she moves on to her planned retirement home and continues her life in a new location.  I am happy for her; but when I look across the backyards to hers and realize that she is not there, I have to admit that I feel the loss of her closeness.  We will remain in touch, but life in the neighborhood will change.

Change.  It is part of life, if we are living fully.  I was thinking about how ironic it is that we long for new experiences and new friendships and at the same time want some of the old ones to stay the same.  We seem to build our sense of adventure on a foundation of sameness that we can retreat to when we feel a need to find ourselves at home.  When our base shifts — when a friend or loved one who has always been there suddenly moves on, through adventure or through death — we can find ourselves retreating from the new possibilities that enter our lives and fill the space that once held people who were reliable and familiar.  We can find ourselves holding onto something that no longer is real rather than venturing out and embracing our new reality.

The Dalai Lama also says:

“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.”

Synchronicity.  Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, described synchronicity as the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful manner — meaningful coincidences.  I am certain that each of us could think of times when we were experiencing great change and an event occurred that had powerful impact on the outcome of the change and its significance in our lives.  I think of another time when an older neighbor moved on to retirement.  It felt odd to know that she no longer lived next door, and it felt equally odd to see our new neighbor going in and out of the house.  The outcome of the change produced an opportunity for one of the deepest friendships that ever has come my way.  My life was altered by this friendship, and I know that my friend — no longer living — felt the same way.  I wonder how many coincidences fed into our coincidental and life-changing meeting.

The Dalai Lama takes us one step further by presenting the idea that there is guidance in synchronicity.  Perhaps change opens a door to an opportunity for embracing new and synchronistic opportunities for growth; but, as he says, we must not let expectations hinder our path.  There is great comfort in friendships that share the ups and downs of living and withstand the test of time.  We all need the love and support of others and the gratitude that good friends bring to our lives; but we must also be open to the meaningful coincidences that fall into our paths.  It will be a long time before I will look at my neighbor’s house and not imagine that she still is there, but I hope that both of us will move ahead with excitement and embrace the changes that bring excitement and opportunity to our lives.  Just think of all the adventures we will have to share when we meet for a cup of tea!