Pamela Stead Jones

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”

– Plato

Today is a very special day in our family.  It is my husband’s birthday and also my daughter’s birthday.  Happy Birthday to Mark and Sally!

I was delighted to learn that today is also Plato’s birthday; and I spent some time this morning reading some of the wise things the great philosopher had to say.  I expected to find something profound about learning or about wisdom, and he certainly had many words to share on those subjects; but the one that stood out for me was about kindness.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”  If we could hold this attitude with everyone we meet, how would it change the way we treat other people?  So many very real people in my life right now come to mind.  There are the two women in treatment for cancer, another who has just received a devastating diagnosis of a painful condition that may not be treatable, there are people who struggle financially to make ends meet from one day to the next.  There are those who grieve and there are those who are wounded by the memories of unkind things they have done to others.

Some battles are easy to see.  If your hair falls out due to chemotherapy, everyone knows that you are fighting a battle.  If you need a cane to steady yourself when you walk, people can see that you are facing a disability and coping with it.  Other battles are not so obvious.  There is the man whose breathing problem limits the distance he is able to walk, and he suffers the glares of people who think he uses his handicap hang-tag simply to get the best parking space.  There are the people in chronic pain — physical, emotional, or mental — that does not show on the surface but affects everything they do.

Plato was very wise when he offered this advice.  If we begin from the position that our own struggles are not the most difficult ones in the world, we will have to open our hearts to every person we meet.  I had a note this morning from a friend who is in cancer treatment this week, and she remarked about how kind everyone is at the hospital where she goes for radiation therapy.  Kindness matters; it really does matter.  Whether or not we are fighting our own difficult battles, if we can begin with the belief that everyone we meet is fighting a harder battle, we can open our hearts and let kindness pour out on others.

We live in a world filled with the walking wounded, and judgment and harshness can only make things worse.  Can we find the courage to step outside of our own problems and admit that we are not the only ones who face trials in our lives?  I’m thinking now of a couple of people who were part of my life — people with ongoing pain and struggles that everyone could see — yet they never lost the ability to reach beyond themselves in compassion and offer a listening ear or a bit of encouragement to others.  I call this “grace under pressure,” and there is little that I have admired more as I look for my own path through life.  When I grow up, I want to have grace under pressure.

Since today is Plato’s birthday, but also Mark’s, I will leave you with my sweetheart’s version of the same advice.  He would tell you to always assume that everyone you meet is doing the best they can.  Their best might not be very good and it might not be what you want or need, but if you assume that it is their best then you have no reason to make matters worse by becoming angry.  When he first proposed this idea to me, I thought he was crazy.  There certainly are people I meet every day who don’t seem to care about doing their best.  As I thought about it, I realized that the not caring was a battle in itself, and that under those circumstances maybe the best they had to offer was a tiny bit.  Give it a try.  See what happens when you assume that everyone you meet is doing their best.  I have a hunch that you will find yourself becoming more and more kind.

We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone — but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

– Walter Anderson

It’s been six years since the last time I was sick.  I’m realizing these past two days just why it is that I haven’t missed this experience.  It really leaves you vulnerable when you feel horrible and need to rely on someone else, not only to do your work, but to help you take care of yourself.  I am filled with gratitude that I have a partner who doesn’t consider himself too busy to do the things that I can’t.  We sometimes avoid vulnerability, because the world is not always a trustworthy place; but I think we need to make it a goal so that the people we meet and love can find their way close enough to rub our soft underbellies.

Vulnerability

Vulnerable,

We greet the world

Stretching, blinking,

Reaching for comfort.

Alive.

♦

Then, gradually,

We tuck and hide

Vulnerability

Deep Inside

Our Souls.

♦

We grow shells

Where there should be wings

Shutting out

Amazing things

Alone.

♦

Life’s lessons learned,

We reach again

Stick out our heads

Toward “might have been”

We seek.

♦

What once we knew

We now must find

Body and Soul

Heart and Mind

We strive.

♦

The goal is clear

There is no doubt

As we came in

We must go out

Vulnerable.

♦

©Pamela Stead Jones 2008

Dewdrops

Tiny silver jewels

Lie like crystal orbs

On morning grass,

Sparkling and glistening,

Until the sun

Calls to them,

“Come home to me,”

And they melt in

The warmth

Of the day.

©Pamela Stead Jones 2010

Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head, and knows not that it brings abundance to drive away the hunger.

– Saint Basil

I’m feeling pretty smug today!  Yesterday I had to make a decision about mowing the lawn.  Should I believe the weather forecast and interrupt my plans in order to cut the grass, or should I risk waiting until today and maybe find myself rained out.  When I awoke to the sound of raindrops on my window this morning, I lay in bed and thought about how different my perspective might be if I had decided to wait one more day to do my yard work.  Had I put off the mowing, I might be cursing the rain this morning and worrying about how tall the grass might be by the time it was dry enough to cut it.  I don’t like the extra work of what I call “harvesting” the lawn; and if I had procrastinated, I would likely be wishing the rain away.

Instead, my mind is flooded with thoughts of the lawn becoming thicker and softer and greener as it drinks in the blessed rain.  I think of the squash seedlings that finally made their way to the surface of the garden only yesterday.  I can close my eyes and almost hear them growing; and I can taste the tender yellow squash, cooked to perfection on the grill this summer.

The pansies in the planter outside my back door stand sturdy and strong as their roots drink in the rain that flows down their petals and lands in the soil below.

Isn’t it amazing how all of this works?  The rain falls on the plants.  The plants grow, nourished by the rain; and plants need carbon dioxide for survival.  They take the waste product of our own breathing process and use it for sustenance, and in exchange they release the oxygen we breathe.  As the water in the ground evaporates, it hangs in the atmosphere until the combination of moisture and cooling causes condensation and forms clouds.  We all know what happens when the clouds become to heavy with moisture — more rain!  And the cycle begins again.  Of all the cycles and seasons of our world that sustain us and teach cooperation, today I would like to celebrate the Water Cycle.

Let’s never curse the life-giving rain; but give thanks for the way it brings freshness, growth, and renewal to our lives.  Let’s care for the water that covers 70% of our planet and do our part to keep the cycle clean and filled with the abundance the rain brings to our world.

“Every tree and plant in the meadow seemed to be dancing, those which average eyes would see as fixed and still.”

– Rumi

Today was a rare morning.  I slept until the alarm rang, which is rare, indeed.  As I stretched out my arm toward the snooze button, I realized it was Monday morning.  The weekend had been a busy one, and I knew that there were many loose ends that needed to be collected for the family to begin the day.  What I needed was time to organize my thoughts, not ten more minutes of sleep; so reluctantly, I left my pillow behind and pulled on my sneakers.  I figured my walk could wait until later.  Right now, I needed to be all business and be sure that Monday morning wasn’t buried somewhere in the remnants of the weekend.

I rubbed my sleepy eyes and used auto-pilot to find the back door and unlock it for the arrival of Ivy’s bus buddy, who uses the path through our house as a short cut each morning.  I looked out beyond the yard to the just brightening morning sky.  It was painted in stripes of blue and white, and the unusual patterns and colors made my eyes pop open.

My plans suddenly changed, and I found myself pulling on my sweatshirt and wading through the ocean of dew that weighed down the grass in my path.  Every bird in every tree was singing at the top of his voice.  There was not even the hint of a breeze, and it was too early for traffic; so the backdrop of silence seemed to magnify and clarify each sound.  Was it the blue and white sky canvas, or was it my own blank slate still hovering between sleeping and waking that lent the same contrast to my sight?

I watched as my feet landed and sent the dew flying from my footprints, leaving a visible trail behind me.  Two crow sentinels greeted me as I entered the park.  Rather than following and watching me today, they seemed to be a step ahead, landing in first one treetop and then the next; and I felt compelled to follow.  The sun was beginning to crest the horizon, and it painted the blue and white canvas with a golden glow.

It was then that it happened — just the way Rumi described it — every tree and plant seemed to be dancing!  The light moved on its own through the topmost leaves of the tallest trees; and although there was no wind to move them, I could see them dancing in the joy of morning.  Each of the million drops of dew began to shimmer and the grass seemed to move as well, delighting in its new-found ability to sparkle; but not a drop of dew fell, because the motion was not of the physical world.  Flowers tried on color after color as the light appeared and brightened and took its rightful place in the morning sky.  And I thought of the way that my average, sleepy eyes had been opened to the wonder of another new day.  It sure beats an extra ten minutes of sleep!

Springtime Peace

Peace like the green of Spring,

Peace like the rising sun,

Peace like the song of the birds in the trees.

Peace like the fertile soil,

Peace like the sprouting seed,

Peace like the fingers of wind on my face.

Peace like the soft rain that washes my soul.

©Pamela Stead Jones 2010

“Imagination has brought mankind through the dark ages to its present state of civilization.  Imagination led Columbus to discover America.  Imagination led Franklin to discover electricity.”

– L. Frank Baum

The man behind the man behind the curtain — pay no attention to him — was a master of bringing imagination to life.  Which of us never has heard of the Yellow Brick Road?  Where did L. Frank Baum see such a path?  He saw it in his imagination; and in writing what he saw there, he brought it to life.  As Baum says, it is imagination that has sparked so many changes in the way we live our lives.  Great inventions have sprung from the seemingly impossible dreams of those who could picture the change something new might bring to their world.

Not all of us will enjoy the “eureka moment” that brings something world-altering to fruition, but each of us has the ability to imagine something that does not exist and carry out a plan to make it real.  Are you thinking of rearranging the furniture?  Use your imagination and visualize the way you would like your room to look.  Painting a room?  Imagine different colors on your walls and how you would feel when you spent time there.  Planting a garden?  Imagine how tasty the tomatoes will be when you eat them right off of the vine.  We use our imaginations all the time, and we don’t give ourselves nearly enough credit for this amazing facet of being human.

It is out of imagination that we become excited enough to form the intention to make a change in our world.  Whether we seek to change the world at large or simply our own little corner of it, combining imagination with intention is a powerful thing.  There is satisfaction in the result of fulfilling our dreams — even the small ones — and pleasure in enjoying the beauty we add to our lives.

It is easy as we become adults to lose our sense of imagination and wonder in the repetitive daily work that earns a living and meets our physical needs.  Let’s not forget, as we work to feed our bodies, to feed our souls as well.  L. Frank Baum told the story of what he imagined somewhere over the rainbow.  What do you see in your imagination when you hear those words, “somewhere over the rainbow?”  Each of us carries our own image of what might lie on the other side.  Imagination is a powerful thing!  Can you imagine how our world could change if we made our dreams come true?

“The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but deliverance from fear.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

The sky this morning looks like it’s mustering up a storm or two.  I suppose that means I should be quick about doing my outdoor work today so I can be finished and ready to move to a warm, dry place before the sky is filled with lightning.  We all know it would be both futile and foolish to pray for a life without storms; but I don’t know anyone who would seek to be exposed to the fury of a storm without some shelter.  Give me a seat on my wraparound porch, and I am happy to enjoy the show; but place me in an open field with lightning all around, and I lose my sense of wonder as I fear for my safety.

If I were to be stranded in a storm, I can think of some people I’d like to find with me — not because I would choose to place them in danger, but because I trust them to encourage me to step beyond my fear and find the courage to endure whatever might come.  It might not be logical to think that huddling together with a few other folks would make me any safer, but it definitely could ease the burden of being alone and afraid.

Not all storms come with rain and hail and thunder and lightning.  There are times when our lives are tossed by different sorts of turmoil — illness, loss, sadness, grief — and we suddenly find ourselves with that same feeling of being alone and helpless that might come to us in an open field in the midst of an electrical storm.  Yesterday our family found ourselves in the midst of one of these life-storms as one of our littlest members faced anesthesia and surgery.

I am only the grandmother; and although I try to understand how Cheyenne’s parents feel at times like these, my imagination cannot come close to truly grasping how it feels to deliver your child to the operating room and trust that the surgeon will be skillful enough and wise enough to produce a good outcome.    I watch the storm from the safety of my porch.  My son and daughter-in-law stand exposed in the center of the field while their daughter’s storm flashes and crashes all around them.  And we pray.

As Emerson says, it is too late to pray for safety — for the storm to go away; but we pray for their deliverance from fear.  There is no room for fear that clouds the mind when there are difficult decisions to make about someone you love enough that you stand with them in the midst of the storm and find the courage to wait for the clouds to lift once again.  There is little we can do from our safe seats on the porch that makes it any easier for them to stand in the face of the storm; but something wonderful happened yesterday.  One by one, dozens of people who saw the storm stepped off of their porches and made their way to the center of the field.  Their prayers and support were like arms wrapped around Cheyenne and her parents, encouraging them and assuring them that they were not alone.  And their fear became courage until the storm subsided and the clouds gave way to a clearing sky.

It is a remarkable thing when people step beyond the boundaries of their own skin and become part of the larger whole called humanity.  How can any of us feel alone or afraid when we are surrounded by the love of others and reminded that we are never alone.  We can’t pray for the storms not to happen; but we can pray for deliverance from fear.  Seeing the storms of life as opportunities for growing courageous allows us to become willing to step into the storm and face it fearlessly.

“Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness.  If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.”

– Stevie Wonder

I know what you’re going to say.  Mother’s Day is over.  I do know that, because only this morning I gathered up my collection of cards that thanked me for my endurance, gave recognition to all the cooking and cleaning I’ve done, and apologized for the special events my children provided for my entertainment during their younger years.  It’s nice that my children care enough to celebrate Mom on a special day each year; but the view from my side is that Mother’s Day goes on far beyond a Hallmark holiday.  When I read what Stevie Wonder had to say about his mama, it touched my heart.  Isn’t this what being a mother is all about?

Compassion, love, and fearlessness.  Is it any wonder that Mr. Wonder, born blind and into a life of poverty, has made such an impact on his world?  Think about it!  If we leave our children with no more than these three traits, is there anything in their lives that they can’t handle? Compassion stirs the heart of the child who sees that a bird has fallen out of its nest.  Love calls the child to want to help.  Fearlessness tells him that he will be able to find a way to help.  Compassion sees a new classmate looking lonely.  Love leads the child to want to ease the pain.  Fearlessness takes the first step toward making a friend.  Compassion sees the need that exists in the world.  Love wants to be part of meeting the need.  Fearlessness says, “I have something to offer,” and trusts that what we have will play a part.

We are born with these traits — I truly believe it.  There are so many people I’ve known in my life who develop this three-fold strength without the guidance of Stevie Wonder’s mama.  Some people have great moms who set good examples.  Some have moms who have lost their way and raise their children with anger, criticism, and abuse.  Still, in the midst of the contrast, these kids look all around until they find the examples of compassion and love that allow them to find their courage and step fearlessly into their place in the world.  If you were lucky enough to have a wise mother who showed you these things and taught you that you could use them, be thankful.  If you found your way to your inner strength through the examples of people who were not your mother, be thankful.

If you are a woman who carries these traits, be thankful.  Whether or not you have given birth, you just might find yourself being someone’s mother as they journey toward discovering the beauty that lies within them.  Practice compassion, respond with love — and do it fearlessly!  You never know who might be watching!

“The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.

– Jiddu Krishnamurti

A little while back, Terri raised the idea again; the idea of being love in everything you do.  What an amazing goal to seek for our lives — being love.  When I try to think of what that looks like, it has little or nothing to do with the things we associate with being in love.  It feels strong, not sappy; deliberate and constant, not a response to something outside us that might change with the circumstances.  It would have to be rooted in Truth, but not the sort of truth that is cold or harsh and wounds the world with its need to be proven right.

When I think of being love, the images that first come to my mind are those of children — young children whose lives have not yet been scarred by hurt or disappointment, young children who have not yet learned to withhold their openness or enthusiasm or delight at discovering something or someone new in their world.  How is it that we go about living in a sometimes harsh world with our hearts still innocent and open to delight?

I think Krishnamurti answers this dilemma when he says that the moment you have love in your heart, “you will discover that for you the world is transformed.”  When we truly decide to be love, the world no longer can greet us with harshness; for the love we send before us will transform our world.  Gandhi told us to be the change we want to see in the world.  What are we waiting for?  Who do we think is better equipped to bring love to the world than each and every one of us?  Perhaps it is true that we are the ones we have been waiting for!

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give — which is everything.”

– Katharine Hepburn

It’s really very simple.  Be love.